Swing and a miss
Heart Eyes is one of those films that on paper, at least, should be a smash hit. A heart-shaped-eyed killer goes around slaughtering couples on Valentine’s Day with a mask that has heart-shaped eye sockets, a crossbow bedecked with hearts, and an unquenchable thirst for carnage. There’s enough here to guarantee a cinematic feast for bloodbath fans.
However, the film’s trailer doesn’t do justice to the content, as it’s more of a rom-com with a sprinkle of slasher horror genres. A bit of a bait-and-switch! While we are briefly told that the Heart Eyes killer has been on the loose for two years, all the audience gets to hear with manic giggles from the lead couple for the rest of the runtime. And honestly, I think the audience wasn’t exactly busting a gut over the fact that a serial killer is entertaining themselves on the streets.
Of utmost importance is Ally, a pitch designer for a jewellery brand and a woman who recently parted ways with her boyfriend. Her lowbrow commercial featuring doomed couples dying in horrific ways has already attracted too much attention because of the recent string of murders, and now she stands to face cancellation.
In what seems like a desperate attempt to help Ally, her boss brings in renowned designer Jay Simmons to collaborate on a new campaign with her. Jay didn’t need to be brought in, but perhaps the real agenda is to have Ally’s replacement in place before the faintest whiff of controversy arises.
The twist is that during an awkwardly hilarious encounter at a coffee shop, Ally meets Jay for the first time in the movie. Jay, nicknamed “consumer cupid,” sets out a plan to charm Ally, whose cynical attitude towards love and Valentine’s in particular means the two will spend the rest of the movie clashing with each other as frenemies.
But the Heart Eyes killer is at it again, and wouldn’t you know it, Seattle just happens to be the next target on this guy’s love-struck map. Will Hobbs and Shaw figure this one out, or are there more bodies to be found?
It is a premise simple enough to follow, but the previously mentioned detectives feel awkwardly inserted into the narrative for additional plot complexity. To add to that, the final reveal and the reason why they were killing people is rather anticlimactic for the audience. Sure, it makes sense at the time, and there is one line of dialogue that alludes to this during the middle part of the film, but the execution makes no logical sense.
I will not ruin that for you, but the movie has a hard time balancing the two intertwined genres. With so much comedy placed throughout the film, the stakes of the slasher film lose intensity. This is, unfortunately, the grim reality that we are living in due to Marvel. In addition to that, the humor is incredibly inconsistent and lacks coherence.
In one scene, Ally gets attacked in her apartment. All of the tension immediately goes away since the joke is that Ally has a dildo that turns on after she throws it at the killer. And yes, we do get an extreme close-up of it. Yes, movie, we understand. Sex toys are very funny.
Even with the comedy, there’s an awkward mix of slapstick, crude humour and satirical puns which includes a multitude of self-referential gags about horror movies and whatnot to do in certain situations.
There is also a running joke revolving around Ally and Jay, who, despite not being in love or, you know, a couple, are stalked by the killer. This is explained later on, but it also weakens the entire logic of the motivation for the killer, who is assumed to be going after couples in love.
There’s also some red-flag foreshadowing with Collin, Ally’s ex. The film does a lot to make this guy a popular figure in Ally’s world, and then this peaks around the 40-minute mark and is never brought up again. For some reason, Ally is virtually over this break-up and it’s just illogical adding in the scenario to hammer home the point why the killer is after Ally and Jay. With all of my points, trust me when I say I am trying not to spoil anything else, but this is a pretty significant detail to make note of.
It is quite obvious that the film was influenced by Scream heavily, even with the end monologue and climactic twists. There also seems to be some aspects concerning the love and criticism about how harsh and sensitive virtual commenters can be. These appear to be more of an attempt at motivation rather than contributing to the film’s overarching narrative.
For instance, earlier, we watched as people online were outraged at Ally’s taste in campaign strategies and were viciously attacking her. But where are all those commenters when the Heart Eyes killer is murdering people at the Drive-Thru Theatre? Indeed, even though the killer is active on social media, he never seems to go viral, and works outside of the confines of the world built in the film. By the time the finale rolls around, the reveals will have been so disappointingly crafted that you won’t care what happens next.
That’s a shame because Ally and Jay do, at least, have good characterization and a hint of chemistry bubbling between them. Their progression from a mundane meet-cute to conflict-induced lovers is what holds everything intact. It’s just unfortunate that a rom-com featuring slashers has the premise’s promise watered down, diluting the appeal of both genres.
The jokes land poorly and heavily compromise the horror elements, which include quite a bit of gore. Honestly, even the first scene of the film seems to try to set up what type of movie it wants to be. It sidesteps embracing the overly ridiculous style of horror that it could lean into, instead just using shocking horror for shock value.
The execution is pretty off in Heart Eyes; it’s not the worst movie of the year, but it’s definitely at the bottom of the list of most disappointing films.
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